You can’t love too much: Attachement doesn’t slow growth, it fuels it. 

This was a great read about little ones and their attachments to us as mothers or parents.

This quote sums it up perfectly for me.

“Children can’t be too attached, they can only be not deeply attached. Attachment is meant to make our kids dependent on us so that we can lead them. It is our invitation for relationship that frees them to stop looking for love and to start focusing on growing.”

It was also a welcomed sigh of relief to know that despite what friends or family tell me, I know we have a healthy, happy little girl who is very much attached to me and rightly so. She has her moments when she just doesn’t want to go to daddy and only mommy will do. Secretly, I love that she’s a little mommies baby and so affectionate towards me, for now any way, it makes my heart melt with love for her. 

As much as we both laugh about it and think it’s cute and funny, I think people’s well meaning advice sometimes just causes unnecessary concern, that she maybe has too much of an attachement to me but at the end of the day I am her best friend and the only person she sees from the minute she wakes up, to the minute she goes to sleep and everyone else she see’s comes and goes. Daddy is obviously only home in the evenings after work and weekends which doesn’t give them much time together, so they have their own special little bond and relationship. 

It’s a great comfort knowing that our little Girl feels loved, safe and secure. It reassures me to know she’ll grow up to be a confident, happy little girl who knows she can count on me (us as a family) to be there for her and look after her and let her focus on growing up and learning. Being a child and enjoying life. 

You can’t love too much, Attachment doesn’t slow growth, it fuels it

Advertisements

The Case Against Ferber Sleep Training

I think we have been truly blessed with a little girl who sleeps really well. We count our blessing every day for such a content, healthy, happy little girl. 

I know friends and family that have little ones that have medical reasons for not sleeping well or that have never sleept through the night. I know that this causes many issues, like stress and postpartum depression, all the sleep deprivation leads to pure exhaustion and therefore parents become desperate and will try anything to get their child to sleep or sleep through the night. 

The truth is we as adults don’t sleep through the night and wake many times but are able to fall asleep again. We wake for water, to use the loo, a loud sound, too hot, too cold you get the idea. So why do we expect a baby to sleep through? 

I used my own method to teach our  daughter to fall asleep on her own. I used to hold her or rock her to sleep when she was a newborn. I read that falling asleep is something you can teach them to do from 6 months onwards. Sleeping through is also something they do themselves when they are mentally able to do so. So I used to rock her until she was drowsy and then put her down in her cot and pat her bum for a few minutes and then sit in the rocking chair in her room until she fell asleep. So she could see me and knew I was with her and eventually she would fall asleep on her own. If she fussed or moaned I would give it a minute or two and then pick her up if my attempts to calm and reassure her by telling her shhh… it’s sleepy time my love and start again if she didn’t settle by picking her up calming her down rocking tillshe was calm then stop rocking and put her back down in her cot. Sometimes she was hungry and would go down after nursing or giving her a bottle now that she is older and no longer breastfed. I never let her get worked up or cry for longer than a couple minutes because I know it would only take longer for her to fall asleep because the cortisol hormone increases in her system, making it harder to fall asleep. As well as all the other health issues mentioned in the article.  

She is generally pretty good at falling asleep on her own and sleeping through the night which she did on her own but there days that she won’t fall asleep on her own, except in my arms against my chest. In my opinion she is just a baby and only once too and obviously just needs comfort from me as she may not be feeling well, going through a mental leap, which I have mentioned in a previous post. The Wonder Weeks 

There could be medical reasons why a baby doesn’t sleep through which I will post an article I read. 

I don’t believe in the Ferber method because of all the negative information I have read about this method of sleep training. I just do not have the heart to hear my child cry like that. Cortisol levels rise in a babies body, their heart rates increase, oxygen levels decrease, their only way of communicating with us and trusting we will be there for them is lost by the cry it out method, when they are left to cry for long periods of time. This makes it harder to fall asleep or settle them as well. 

I know every one is different and has different reasons for using sleep training. But this article just goes to show how it does effect a child’s mental & physical health in the moment and later on in life. 

This quote from the article just sums it up for me  “Ferber now says in interviews that he regrets some of the advice he’s given. He’s been quoted as saying that he feels badly that child health professionals are encouraging parents to leave very young babies to cry, and that it’s ok to co-sleep.”

Harvard Researchers who examined emotional learning, infant brain function and cultural differences claim that babies who are left to cry themselves to sleep suffer long-lasting damage to their nervous systems. The researchers claim that this makes these children more susceptible in later life to anxiety disorders, including panic attacks. 

 I’ll let you decide for yourself. 

The Case Against Ferber Sleep Training

Your child is human too.

This is such a great article and I LOVE this quote. It’s so true! Read the article before making any assumptions that children shouldn’t be held accountable for disrespectful or bad behaviour but they are also human, just like us. 

“So often, children are punished for being human. They are not allowed to have grumpy moods, bad days, disrespectful tones, or bad attitudes. Yet, we adults have them all the time. None of us are perfect. We must stop holding our children to a higher standard of perfection than we can attain ourselves.”

Your child is human too

Harvard Psychologists Say: Parents Who Raise ‘Good’ Kids, Do These 5 Things!

Another great article published by Harved Pyschologists.

I’m a firm believer in the 5 points they make. I think we all have our own parenting styles views and opinions in life but I think it’s safe to say these are the basic fundamentals. It’s amazing how much there is to think about when you have a child. You can do it by making sure it starts with you because that is where our children learn from. Us. 

Again spending quality time with your little ones. They are only young once and I want to spend as much time as I possibly can with our little girl. By singing songs with her, reading books, helping her work on the new skills she is learning at the moment which would be crawling or walking which ever she decides to surprise us with first. Which means spending most of my day bent over holding her hands for balance so she can practice walking everywhere. My back aches but she won’t need me to help her once she’s mastered how to walk because she’ll be trying to run and climb stairs and I’ll be chasing after her. I know I’m extremely blessed to be able to spend her first year with her to see her through all these important milestones and one I’ll never get back. So I’m making the most of ever minute I get with her during the day especially while the weather is good. 

Being a role model. I couldn’t agree more with this. My moms famous lasts words were always do as I say and not as I do, I laughed and still do because I believe that actions speak louder than words. Monkey see, monkey do. My mother was a great role model and it’s because of her I am half the woman I am today. She taught me to cook, clean, take pride in myself and the things that I do. I always say to friends and family. There is always something to be taken from a unpleasant experience. You learn from your mistakes and admit when you are wrong. Look for solutions to problems or issues. Pick yourself up and dust yourself off as I would say and try again. Remember to do the same with your little ones. They see everything you do and say. So think before you speak for words can not be taken back once they have been said and make sure you don’t do anything you wouldn’t want them doing. 

Teaching them values. Now this is something that always makes me think about my father and how successful he has been in life. He words to me the day I left home always stuck with me and were my biggest motivation in life to succeed and do well. To treat others the way I would like to be treated and to treat everyone with respect. To think about other people’s feelings and emotions. To be a reliable and responsible person that people can depend and rely upon. It goes a long way in life. By making us help around the house to earn our pocket money you soon learned the value of money and learned to appreciate the things you have. 

Teach them Gratitude. Now this is one thing I practice every day in my life and one thing I learnt on my path to happiness. The more grateful you are, the happier you are. The more you focus on the positive thing in life the more you attract into your life. I think I have learned some valuable lessons in life that have taught me to think twice, be wise and never to take anything for granted or to expect anything from anyone in life. But when you are kind and generous out of the goodness and kindness of your heart people will do the same for you. Just never expect it. 

Show them the bigger picture. To me that would be doing all the above. Be kind and considerate of others. Don’t be judgemental because you don’t know what struggles the other person is going through. Empathise with others. 

I don’t think these are that different to how our parents grew up and what we were taught growing up so let’s do the same and make sure we still have good children in this world. 

Harvard Psychologists Say: Parents Who Raise ‘Good’ Kids, Do These 5 Things!

A healthy lifestyle means a healthy balanced child 

What a great article on creating the right balanced lifestyle for your child/children. I couldn’t agree more on all the points made in this article by the therapist who wrote it. 

This is exactly what I am like and will continue to be like with our little girl. I believe that that we should be present in the moment with our little ones, phones are used when baby is sleeping and tv time is limited to an hour a day if the weather is miserable. 

I’m currently enjoying the amazing weather we are having and spend every moment outdoors from the time our little girl wakes up. Play in the shade. Sing songs, have a dance with them. Read a book. Take a swim. Play outside in the fresh air on the grass with the dogs. Swing. Get messy. 

As our little girl gets older she will most definitely help around the house like we did as children. It teaches responsibility. Packing toys away. Helping in the kitchen with dishes, cooking, doing laundry and chores. We sit down to breakfast, lunch and dinner when we can as a family but always together even if it’s outside in the good weather. Having a picnic when it’s hot. 

Have a read to see what the therapist has to say. I couldn’t agree more with everything she has to say. 

Parenting what are we doing to our children.

What if all I want is a mediocre Life

Such a lovely article that I can relate too in some ways. Although I love my life and live the life I love. I’m not crazy about a life that is constantly on the go and filled with endless things to do that I don’t get to enjoy the finer things in life, relax and take time to just do things as a family. The life I always wanted is a family life. Surrounded by close friends and family. A life I get to share and enjoy with my amazing partner and father to our beautiful baby girl. 

Like taking a year out of my career to spend with our daughter and watch her grow and care for her.  Just watching her in awe when she plays, sleeps and learns new things. Cheering her on. Taking pride in our home and caring for her and us as a family making a life filled with love and happiness. Playing with the dogs and taking them for walks. This is enough for me. Making the most of special occasions and making them special and something to remember. 

That doesn’t mean we don’t enjoy enjoy socialising with friends, eating out, taking pride in our home, reading, cooking, going on holidays to beautiful countries together. It just means that I’m happy to live the path I have chosen. The way I want too. With out the stress or worry of trying to keep up with the rat race and what everyone else thinks is socially acceptable. We do what makes us happy. 

Creating and achieving goals to strive for that are meaningful and exciting. I have lived an enjoyable and exciting life so far but my priorities have changed and I am happy living the life we have chosen. Are you? 

Mediocre Life

Helping little ones with big emotions

How many of us have had issues or trouble dealing with emotions? Jealousy, sadness, anger and happiness are all emotions. We’ve all been through these emotions at some stage in our life. How we choose to deal with these emotions is what makes us stronger, wiser and grow as a person. 

How quick are you to react to a situation, only to take a moment to reflect and realise that maybe we could have dealt with the situation a little differently. Would it have changed the outcome? 

Now think about your little one, who has no life experience and only beginning to learn about the world they live in and how to cope with all these new feelings and emotions, which are new to them. They need and rely on us to show them and help them to cope with and deal with all these new emotions. 

It really is thought provoking for me as a mother to read some of these articles and to see things from a different prospective and it can also be daunting in the same breathe to think you really do need to be the best you can be if you’re going to help your little one blossom and grow into a well balanced young individual. To know that they can come to you and trust you to help them when they need you most. To think before you act or speak because words can’t be taken back once they’ve been spoken. They can only be forgiven. 

Here’s a great article on Helping little ones with big emotions

Positive gentle parenting. 

How many of us forget that toddlers are only young little people learning about the world that they live in and that it is up to us to help them grow and learn.  

These words really resonate with me maybe because I’m a firm believer that we need to help our children grow,  “it wasn’t my job to make him feel bad enough that he’d act better, but to help him feel valued, accepted, validated and wholeheartedly loved so that he could be his good, compassionate, kind, true self.”

When your toddler defies you, love is the answer

Planning babies 1st Birthday & Christening.  


So I’ve been caught up in planning our little girls 1st Birthday which is 2 days before my birthday but will be celebrated on the day of my birthday. 

So a joint mother daughter celebration of her first year and our first year of parenthood. I couldn’t think of a better way to spend it. 

Although it won’t be anything over the top it will definitely be special. I’m super excited and have found a cute little outfit for her to wear. A personalised baby grow and pink tutu and headband because I love to dress her up all girly and frilly. Making the most of it while I can. I still can’t believe she’s almost a year old. Where has the time gone? She’s only just started clapping her hands today before her bath to me singing if you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands. 

I’ve gone for a cute bunny theme 🐰🥕 and have started creating a little video to play with our favourite bedtime song. Definitely not a lullaby but she loves it and cuddles up really close to me when she watches it. I’ve got my sister in South Africa making the cutest birthday poster for her which I intend to frame and put up in her room of all the things she can do and loves.  I’ve found some cute little things to make her day super special and some great treats for the little ones and of course some bubbles for us mothers to celebrate my actual birthday and her first year of life. 

My father will be over from Australia to celebrate all of this with us which I am super excited about. So have planned her Christening for the day after. So have had to find a dress for her to wear for that too. 

It’s amazing how much time and effort goes into all the planning and the finer details of it all. Something I truly love doing. I’m really excited about the letters for the time capsule which she will open on her 18th birthday 🎉.